Fuck appropriateness.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
