when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
