I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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