i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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