I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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