Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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