I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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