i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
