please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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