At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am available for nakedness
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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