Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
