my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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