so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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