The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we should paint friendship bongs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
