Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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