She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
