nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
