Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
