A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
