I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
