even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
