Where did you get a picture of my penis
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
