My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
