Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
