Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
