Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think i have two assholes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
