I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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