I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
