She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
