You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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