I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
