It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
