I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
