im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
