Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
