i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
