I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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