On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
