FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
