We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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