i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
