please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
