I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
