I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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