does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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