I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
