I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
