1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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