see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
