her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
