You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
