Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
