He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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